Thursday, September 16, 2010
Obstacles on the Path of Passion
Today was a hard day.
You see, choosing to be a Naturopathic Doctor has been a path of passion.
Previous to my returning to school, I've lived a few different lives: the Yukon, Trinidad, an Ashram in India, corporate Toronto; all of these lives have encouraged my desire to help people and my want to add a little more love to the world.
Often after hearing of my many pasts, I am admired for going back to school at such a late age to start a new career, "a career with meaning". This admiration generally evokes a sense of empowerment and pride in me at the life that I have chosen.
It's only on mornings like this, after being out of the country for a month (earning NO income), and opening a newly received bill to find that my bank has "restructured" my student LOC payments and lovingly requests that I cough up an extra LOT of money for September 30th, that I question my path.
You see, I am not a rich lady. In fact, I have worked my hands to the bone to achieve the little that I have. I would be lying if I tried to convince you that financial demands that extend my limited means to the point of fraying make me stronger. They don't initially .. I often break down in sobs, seriously ask myself whether I am too old to sell my body for a reasonable amount of street cash and wonder if the bank would find me in Tahiti.
After the breakdown this morning, I made some espresso and thought about declaring bankruptcy. Deciding that this is probably best avoided, I resigned myself to the fact that I may not eat for the next few months (or years).
I have noticed in my limited experience that, when faced with challenge, the universe often brings you the reassurance that you need: little, sutble messages that tell you that you really are on the right path. Unpacking my handbag this evening revealed a small jewelery box; the delicate home of a beautiful, handmade broach given to me by a woman as a token of appreciation for the depth in which I've helped her. Payment for actions we preform in life come from more than just money: it comes from experiencing someone else's successes, it comes from sharing love, indulging in laughter, tasting good cheese and finding comfort in perfect espresso. It comes from knowing that sometimes your smallest effort effects positive change in the life of another. Its about knowing, with conviction, that you may not be able to eat out ever again, but you do have the power to add love to the world.